


the only thing I could think to ask

by romeojohannes



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, M/M, Self-Hatred, Songfic, West Virginia, i'm just in my feelings, the front bottoms - Freeform, this is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 12:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18969193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeojohannes/pseuds/romeojohannes
Summary: Charlie and Meeks were in love. When they ended, Meeks moved to a new state to get a fresh start. Vermont just had too many memories. Vermont had Charlie. A couple days after he's gone, Charlie calls him.based on the song "West Virginia" by The Front Bottoms





	the only thing I could think to ask

**Author's Note:**

> i am the saddest bitch alive fellas

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

The silence on the other side of the phone buzzed into Charlie’s ear and he bit his lip thinking of what to say. After a few slow ticks of the clock behind him,

“Is it raining where you are?”

Droning silence. The distance between them pulled at Charlie’s chest.

“No.”

Steven’s voice was a blip. Something died in Charlie then, some last bit of hope he hadn’t known he still had.

“Oh.”

He breathed, cleared his throat.

“Well, it is here. Has been all day.”

“Oh.”

Steven echoed, once again making Charlie lead the conversation. He was the one that called, after all.

“It makes sense I guess. I mean that it wouldn’t be raining there. You’re, I mean- Charleston is, pretty far uh, away. From here. From Vermont.”

“Yeah.”

Steven sounded cold.

“Probably warmer there too isn’t it? In West Virginia.”

“It is.”

“Good.”

Was Steven even breathing? Charlie couldn’t hear anything but the clock and his own pulse.

“Charlie.”

This was something, finally, maybe.

“Yeah?”

“What’s up?”

His voice was void of any concern, just tired and flat. Charlie sighed and closed his eyes. God, he really hated himself sometimes. He really felt stupid sometimes.

“I just wanted to call, y’know, and talk to you. See how you’re, I guess, settling in and… and everything.”

“Thanks. I’m fine, Charlie”

He said his name again and Charlie could have cried. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t fuck this up.

“Meeks?”

“Uh-huh?”

“I think you were the love of my life.”

He said it rather loudly, and he hoped Steven didn’t feel like he was yelling at him. He knew he sounded desperate though, and he couldn’t help it. He’d be embarrassed, but it wasn’t the first time Meeks had seen him so vulnerable. Steven was, actually, the only person who ever saw him vulnerable.

“That’s kinda fucked, Charlie.”

 _Shit_. Charlie could punch himself. He hadn’t known what to expect but,

“I know. I know that.”

Steven spoke louder now,

“You were, I mean I-“

“It’s okay”

He wished he’d never called, wished he had just shut up. He thought he needed to say this, thought maybe he could change something, or

“No, stop, fuck, Charlie- I loved you.”

Charlie’s hand tightened over the phone, and he willed himself not to hope for anything.

“Yeah?”

“And then we broke up. Like people do.”

“People in love?”

It’s like Charlie was watching himself transform into some pathetic melodrama caricature. His throat started to close and he blinked away the heat rising up to his eyes.

“Especially people in love.”

That was that.

“Yeah. Yes. Well, thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know”

He heard Steven sigh into the phone.

“Okay…”

A sudden twist in his stomach and Charlie couldn't stop himself.

“You’re the love of my life. And I don’t know what to do.”

“I mean. Me neither.”

Steven was starting to sound sorry for him. He never could handle being pitied. So he retreated, voice restrained.

“Fucked.”

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

“Goodbye, Charlie.”

Biting away the _wait_  on his lips,

“Oh. Goodbye.”


End file.
